Why You SUCK At Dating

By Mitch McKee

I’ve had enough of your shit – and yes, I am talking to you, the phone-addicted doom-scrolling time-sinker.

It’s time for you, whether you dwell exclusively in caves, basements, game chats, other virtual spaces, peanut butter fortresses, peanut galleries, wank chambers, or just your room (pretty sure they’re all the same thing) to take a deep breath, let that sucker out, and step into the wild with me.

I’m making a curtain call for you all to join me at the one and true final destination, real life. The blissful land of opportunities where you do not SUCK at important social interactions. In order to get there, you’ll need to start understanding a few things.

You know that hit of adrenaline and dopamine you suck out the end of your vape and release after every 2.5 seconds of Tik-Tok? Or that urge you get to whip out the porn and watch some moosely hung dude rail a plastic doll? How about that feeling every time you get a match in a male-dominated, virtual and therefore unrealistic dating scenario? And that highly-flying lowly-shitting bird that craps onto your face every time you slap just near a feature on the Brickie’s laptop?

They’re all the same ball and chain in your life, and exactly why you SUCK at dating.

None of this is real life, and that’s why you also SUCK at job interviews, moving up the ladder, building connections, pursuing business ventures, maintaining relationships and friendships, and adding an extra leg to other tables in general.

You Don’t Have To SUCK At Dating

Here’s a quick top 3 of must do’s if you want to SUCK less as dating.

1.        Quit porn. Stop fantasising and get real.

2.        Get off the dating apps. They are destroying your chances of true intimacy, and mostly exist to damage your self-esteem if you’re a man, and to artificially and toxically inflate your ego if you are a woman.

3.        Introduce yourself to beautiful strangers at unique events you go to. Go alone and ask to join them at their table. If you don’t go to unique events (mine is usually concerts for example), start. Please, I’m begging you.

I’m going to sound unpopular as fuck here, but that’s just my style. I’m well over the apps, the porn, and the fact that you never go out by yourself - and you should be too. That’s right, me, Nanna, Davo Goggins, Spiderman, Vegetables and Homework are all on the same page with what we’re about. We’re about what’s good for you, and a tonne of that good stuff is done the old-fashioned way – out in the real world, where you graze your knees, learn to run and ride, get hurt, get back up, get hurt once more, and do it all over again because you love it. Learn to love it all in the name of staying real, so that you SUCK less at dating and your social life in general.

I know I taste like medicine, but do yourself a favour and swallow this big old pill. It’ll do you so much good.

The Modern Dilemma

If the ability to have my ass wiped at the tap of my phone was possible, I would still err on the side of doing it the old-fashioned way. I need to be able to wipe my own ass, and so do you. Maybe chat GPT can help you on those boring tasks and assignments, and Hinge can get you catfished, but just keep wiping your own ass, please. I won’t do it for you, and you don’t want to be walking around with shit-pants because you put your full dependence onto the technology to wipe for you.

This is the exact shit-smeared effect the apps and porn are having on yours and others’ shitty professional, social and romantic lives. You’re all forgetting how to wipe your own ass, when there’s only you to get the shit-paper, and wipe that shit off you.

Stop Making Excuses

I’ve had times in my life where I SUCKED at dating. I was the problem, and it took a tonne of integrity to realise this. My problem was more than the porn I was so comfortable with, the dating apps I relied on, and my own inaction to talk with strangers – although they certainly played their part. The top reasons why I SUCKED at dating, was also because I placed too high a need on an intimate companion, feared rejection, or came across as desperate, and blew my chances before I even had any.

They were tragic, messy times where my deep need for a woman equated to a deep failure with them. See a trend here?

I had to draw a line, and say enough was enough. I had to drop the apps, stop ruminating over these past unfavourable social encounters, and work on myself, or my so-called ‘inner game’.

I had to get real and start embracing the pain that came with the choice.

I’m so glad I did.

Start Making Changes

If you do feel like change is a lot, but you’re ready to do something about it, I won’t piss in your pocket – you have hard times in front of you my friend, so start having them.

In Psychology, the literature explains that pain is inevitable, and good for us, but suffering is optional – and bad for us. I had to go through painful changes, and it was not easy. At first, my dating life and confidence in job interviews were suffering. I had to make foundational changes to my being that ached – but diamonds are made under pressure, and I forged myself in the fire to become the better man I am today.

Change and growth starts with action. New actions are painful, but the growth comes from the pain, which stems from the action. What will trigger your action? For me, it was a breakup where I felt worse-off than where I had started.

I had an unhealthy lifestyle, and realised I was attracting trash because I was trash myself. When I realised this, it triggered my action and I turned my shit around for good. I quit porn, nicotine, dating apps, and I started fasting and dialled in my diet. I began exercising often, and educated myself on dating and relationships with books and podcasts.

I had to drop my desire to find a woman, and pick up my own pieces to rebuild a better man. This is crucial in socially succeeding, as you’ll learn about in my next blog.

Now I only attract intelligent, well-rounded people into my social circles, go on hot dates that I can sustain, and kill it at job interviews and the raises that follow.

Consider the definition of insanity – if you know you SUCK at dating, but keep trying the same things over and over expecting new results, it is your inaction that is causing this suffering. Don’t suffer any more, because you don’t have to SUCK at dating, as long as you’re willing to take action.

Go Out

If you were to put down that digital pacifier, and join me on a night out, you’d watch me shamelessly approach countless strangers and strike up a genuine conversation about anything; how their night is, and why they like the band we’re about to watch, and leave with a contact. Man or woman, friend or romantic interest - you would quickly learn how much more organic and exciting this path is over your superficial swiping. You’d even be surprised at how often someone will start the conversation with you after you ask to join and proceed to ask for your contact, if you approach them the right way. It happens to me often.

I’m one of few people I know who goes out of their way to strike up conversations with strangers out there in the real world, and it is clear to me that the interactions we have, and the organic dating success that follows with it, is anecdotally richer than my digital dreamworld counterparts.

So stop depending on your rectangle of sociality to get you places, or to get you off. It’s unnatural, deceptive, time-sinking and dare I say it – childish.

Quit Porn

Please, please stop. You are making the dating market less accessible for yourself, for me, and for too many other reasons by partaking in this unrealistic trash. Tik-Tok is another subject, but I have it labelled in the same category – dopamine-fuelled shitfires.

Yes pornstar’s dongs are huge, and yes the women are unrealistically hot. But everyday real life is not like this. It’s your life, and only you can form the healthiest neural pathways in your brain to start seeing girls as gorgeous, beautiful people rather than something to forever die at the heels of – or even worse – pretend you were with in a virtual capacity. Gross.

Be Uncomfortable

The best way you can appreciate the wonders of comfort, is to lean into the agony of discomfort. Plenty of modern psychology recommends this to enhance your life in almost every perceivable way. Don’t like approaching random people? Force yourself to do it, even just ONE time this week. Then do it twice next week, and so on. If you don’t at least get a contact, I promise I will pull out my miniature violin and play you a symphony in B minor until you do.