Dating Is Shit, So Get Better At It: Four Lessons In Date Etiquette
By Mitch McKee
Dating in real life, and away from the apps and porn is like being a kid again. Your innocence, sense of wonder and hope for the future will all slowly reappear, making you wish you’d turned back to this peter-pan like existence a lot sooner than you did.
If you don’t believe me, and feel an urge to jack it later with that toxic porn, or swipe right until it is bone touching screen – go ahead and prove me wrong by resisting these urges. You won’t. The only way to beat your old habits and join me in this greener pasture of digitally detoxed delightfulness, is to start working on yourself, instead of your Hinge bio.
How Interesting Are You?
What are your hobbies and interests? Is it just NRL or Cricket, gym, your 9-5, Shane Gillis and a world-famous podcast? There’s nothing wrong with these things, I love all of the above. But it does not define my identity. They’re the kind of things me and my male friends typically discuss, but not my dates. After all, dates aren’t mates
I am a non-fiction writer, multi-instrumentalist and singer/songwriter, DJ, occasional surf and skater, master’s student, and UFO researcher. The last one tends to not hit with the ladies, but it’s fascinating and I love to research about it. Although one time it did hit off, with an attractive woman who I got into a relationship with. It definitely pays to have your geeky less-popular interests, but opposingly, if that’s all I were into, it would make my horizons narrow and dry spells desert-worthy. What’s on your canvas?
I also work out, but I didn’t mention that as its everyone’s duty to exercise, and look as hot as they can.
Women give precedent to guys who invest in themselves, specifically outside of their 9 – 5s, so get varied and creative in your pastimes, hobbies and pursuits.
Women have far more success dating then men, and fortunately for women, there is far less pressure on you to have interesting hobbies and pastimes as compared with men. That’s just the way it works, and no-one should have a problem with it. But it will enhance women’s dating life similarly to men if you do more self-investment and reflection.
How Do You Dress?
Women prefer men with a bit of flair. Do you always wear the same thing? Please stop, I’m begging you. Start dressing like you’re fucking cool, not a carbon copy of the dude next to you. Go out and get some linen, get some bling, like a simple chain (I like the ones that are thin and cylindrical, but the ones that look like threaded coke can tops seem to be in), a few rings, some singlets and different coloured shoes. Mix and match. I have about five sets of pants, 10 tops (start wearing button ups, begging you again), three ribbed singlets, two jackets and four pairs of shoes. I don’t think I’ve worn the same outfit twice all year, not even kidding you. Overhauling your fashion sense is a must-do if you really intend on getting better at dating.
You don’t have to wear a top-hat (I’m not that brave) or a full suit and tie to every event. But realise women like men who dress well, not like they did when their Mum bought their clothes at 14. If you always wear the same exact thing, you need to shake it up. Don’t thank me later, take action.
Find a model or two – there’s a tonne out there – famous musicians and actors are usually the go. A quality model I could suggest to most men right now is Glen Powell. Go watch some of his stuff on and off-screen and study how he dresses and behaves for that fact. The reason he is so popular right now is very simple, and you don’t need the acting chops or the money to understand this. Glen is playful, a bit quirky, works out, smiles a lot and is respectful yet assertive towards women. THAT is a man we can all learn from.
Build Backbone
If you’re single, and your mentality with women is to agree with everything they say, obsess over their every move, or go full-on simp mode, it’s time to hit pause and ask yourself, “is this really working?” You can do this by internally calling yourself every time you say ’yes’ to something you don’t actually want to do, or baring a load you didn’t need to bare. Ask: “did I have to say yes to that?” Start saying ‘no’ to shit - it shows backbone and that is attractive.
Stand your ground. If your woman is always bossing you around or you just can’t seem to make her happy, start making yourself happy by making more time for yourself. This is what will make the both of you happier in the long run.
What guys will discover is that this models strong, masculine, and confident behaviour - qualities that most women naturally gravitate toward to feel secure and supported in a relationship. Because the same man who can confidently hold his own in the relationship is the one she’ll trust to protect and support her in the real world - and that’s deeply reassuring.
When she sees your confidence with her, she’ll believe in your ability to handle challenges beyond the relationship too. Maybe you’re already in a relationship, and wondering why you haven’t had sex in three months. Plenty of my clients have complained about being dissatisfied in their relationships, or report a loss of ‘spark.’ What we would work on, is creating the backbone that can set boundaries. This is exactly what made them more attractive to their ‘bossy’ partner, which in turn, strengthened their bond.
Neglecting workouts because you’re afraid it will interfere with her? Fuck that, go and do it and be firm on your own terms. If she’s always wearing the pants (said pants are meant to be shared by the way), chances are she’s feeling more ‘roommate’ vibes than romantic sparks.
Tease, don’t please. Challenge, don’t settle. Blurt stuff out when it’s on your mind instead of holding it in all the time, because you’re only as boring as you allow yourself to be. Women appreciate a partner who can respectfully and confidently hold their own - someone who can stand up, not just step aside. It’s not about a power struggle; it’s about balance, and if they don’t like you and your beliefs, that is a good thing, because it means other women will.
Be Assertive
Lock me up, shoot me, or tie me to the tracks for saying this: women love it when guys are the right amount of aggressive, and are non-passive. Enter: assertiveness. Now I don’t mean starting domestics and abusing her, I mean the opposite really. Show her you’re a man who is comfortable in his own skin, and knows what he’s about and where he’s going, all while being happy about getting there. Dress well, adjust posture, smile, Approach her like she’s going to like you, but expect the potential for rejection. Ask her out for some drinks
Be a little cheeky with her, for God’s sake. Step outside the lines, and bring this demeanour into your everyday life as well. Stand up for yourself and others, cement your opinions and don’t slide on them. Women find this attractive, trust me.